Valentine’s Day is the one day each year when you are required to
make your significant other feel like the king or queen they are. But
hold on … what about Sweetest Day?
What is Sweetest Day, you ask? It’s a sappy holiday just
like Valentine’s Day, except in October and mostly limited to the
Midwest. Sweetest Day’s fans believe it’s all that when it comes to
love. But they would be wrong … very wrong.
Sweetest Day is the poor man’s Valentine’s Day and here’s why:
1. The third Saturday in October is a terrible date for a romantic holiday
It’s all about Halloween, and you shouldn’t be sidelined during the
scariest month of the year by some random love day thrown in the middle.
Love can be scary for sure, but it’s unfair to expect you to publicly
show your affection when you have a costume to prepare.
2. Most people have never heard of it
Valentine’s Day is an international celebration. Sweetest Day is … pretty obscure. The government doesn’t even list it among our nation’s holidays, but does point out that Valentine’s is “upcoming.”
3. Nobody except your grandma calls anybody their “sweetest”
4. Valentine’s Day has red roses cornered
Do you know how many red roses are sold on Valentine’s? Approximately 198 million. Do you know how many roses are sold on Sweetest Day? No one does, because nobody cares except for some lonely girl in the Chicago suburbs looking for a reason to be pissed off at her boyfriend because she didn’t get a flower even though he pulls two shifts at a factory. Relax.
5. Sweetest Day doesn’t have its own identity
Valentine’s Day is all about hearts and the color red, and Sweetest Day is a total copycat, except without cupids — just generic candy and a few random greeting cards. It tried to steal heart-shaped candy boxes, but people said no way. It’s lame and that’s a fact. Imitation is the highest form of flattery, but sometimes it’s also really annoying.
6. Sweetest Day is like Christmas in July
You know why there’s only one Christmas? Because two Christmases would be dumb. (Also, it might not make any sense if there were two baby Jesuses.) Sometimes less is
7. Valetine’s Day actually has some history behind it
Valentine’s Day has been celebrated for hundreds of years and is based
on a saint; Sweetest Day has been celebrated since 1921, when some
greedy candy makers got together in Cleveland and decided that creating a
new holiday would increase sales of chocolates.
Sweetest is almost 100 and still hasn’t caught on. What does that tell you?
No comments:
Post a Comment